I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I actually want out of this life.
Maybe it’s getting older. Maybe it’s watching my kids grow up way faster than I ever thought they would. Maybe it’s just finally realizing that I don’t have anything left to prove to anybody.
I’m 36 now, and I’ve been a mom for a very long time.
I became a mom at 17. I’ve spent basically my entire adult life raising kids, working, running a business, keeping a household going, making meals, solving problems, cleaning messes, breaking up arguments, worrying about everybody and somehow trying to remember where I put my coffee.
And now I have three kids who aren’t little anymore.
That’s a weird thing to say.
For years, I couldn’t wait for the next stage. When they were babies, I couldn’t wait until they could sleep through the night. When they were toddlers, I couldn’t wait until they could do things themselves. Then came school, sports, activities, birthdays, teenage years and all the chaos that comes with raising actual humans.
And somewhere along the way, I realized something.
The next stage isn’t the point.
This is.
These ordinary days we’re living right now.
I Don’t Want a Perfect Life
I’ve never been the mom with the perfectly clean house, perfectly dressed kids and beautifully coordinated family photos.
Honestly, that’s never really been my thing.
Our house gets messy. There are dishes in the sink. Somebody is always hungry. Someone has lost something. Someone needs a ride. The cats are usually doing something ridiculous.
It’s real life.
And I’ve started to appreciate that more.
For a long time, I think we all get caught up in the idea that we’re supposed to be doing more.
More vacations.
More activities.
More expensive experiences.
More stuff.
More pictures that look like we have our lives completely together.
But the older I get, the less interested I am in any of that.
I don’t need my kids to have a childhood that looks impressive to other people.
I want them to have a childhood they remember.
There’s a huge difference.
I Want Them to Remember Home
When my kids are grown, I don’t think they’re going to sit around talking about whether our house was spotless.
I don’t think they’re going to remember whether I bought the most expensive groceries or whether their clothes were always perfectly organized.
They’re going to remember the weird little things.
The nights we stayed up too late.
The random conversations in the kitchen.
The stupid jokes that made absolutely no sense to anybody else.
The family dinners where somebody inevitably started laughing.
The summer days outside.
The animals we’ve loved.
The road trips.
The hunting trips.
The days where we didn’t really do anything at all.
That’s the stuff I want.
I want them to remember home as a place where they could be themselves.
A place where they could walk through the door and know they were loved.
A place where they could make mistakes without thinking their entire world was going to fall apart.
A place where we didn’t have to pretend to be perfect.
I’m Also Realizing How Fast This Goes
People tell you when you’re a new mom that it goes fast.
You hear it constantly.
“Enjoy it. They grow so quickly.”
And when you’re exhausted with a baby screaming at 2 a.m., you’re thinking, Okay, but can someone please tell me when I’m going to sleep again?
Then suddenly you’re standing there looking at a teenager wondering how the heck this happened.
I blinked and my oldest went from a little boy to someone who is talking about graduation, work, cars, the gym and his future.Tyson has even enjoyed some hard labour working as a roofer with his dad.
My daughter is growing into her own person with her own opinions, style and dreams.
And my youngest is growing up too, even though a part of me would happily freeze time for a little while.
It makes you realize that the years you thought were going to last forever actually don’t.
And that’s changed how I look at everything.
I Want My Kids to Know How to Live, Not Just How to Get Good Grades
One of the biggest things I care about now is teaching my kids how to actually function in the world.
How to cook.
How to clean.
How to manage money.
How to work.
How to communicate.
How to take responsibility when they screw up.
How to treat people.
How to stand up for themselves.
How to be kind without being a pushover.
How to figure things out when Mom isn’t standing right there telling them what to do.
Because eventually, they’re going to leave my house.
And as much as I don’t want to think about that, my job isn’t to keep them dependent on me forever.
My job is to help them become people who can handle life.
That’s a lot more important to me than whether their childhood looked perfect from the outside.
I Don’t Think Kids Need Constant Entertainment
This is another thing I’ve become pretty passionate about.
I don’t think our kids need every second of their day filled.
They don’t need an activity scheduled every time they’re bored.
They don’t need to be entertained constantly.
Sometimes being bored is good.
Sometimes you need to go outside.
Sometimes you need to figure out what to do.
Sometimes you need to sit around the kitchen and talk.
Sometimes you need to help Mom with something because, well, you’re part of the family.
And yes, screens are part of our lives. I’m not going to sit here and pretend my kids have never touched a phone or played a game.
But I also don’t want a childhood where every quiet moment gets filled with a screen.
There is something really valuable about being able to just exist.
Maybe I’m Just Tired of the Comparison Game
Social media can make you feel like everybody else is doing life better than you.
Someone is always travelling somewhere amazing.
Someone just renovated their entire house.
Someone’s kids are excelling at everything.
Someone has a perfect body, a perfect marriage, a perfect kitchen and apparently never has laundry.
Meanwhile, you’re standing in your kitchen eating something you found in the fridge because you forgot to eat lunch.
And honestly?
I’m over it.
I don’t want to compare my real life to somebody else’s highlight reel.
I don’t want my kids comparing themselves to other kids either.
I want us to figure out what makes our family happy.
That’s enough.
I Want More Ordinary Days
This might sound strange, but I actually want more ordinary days.
More evenings at home.
More sitting outside.
More random conversations.
More cooking.
More laughing.
More pets taking over the furniture.
More little family traditions.
More pictures of the things that seem insignificant now but will probably mean everything to me someday.
I want to slow down enough to notice things.
Because I’ve learned that the ordinary stuff doesn’t stay ordinary forever.
One day, you look back and realize those were the days.
I Don’t Want to Miss It Because I Was Too Busy
This is probably the biggest thing I’ve learned.
I don’t want to spend so much time trying to build a better life that I forget to actually live the one I already have.
I don’t want to constantly be waiting for the next milestone.
When the kids are older.
When we have more money.
When the house is finished.
When work slows down.
When we can finally take that trip.
When everything is easier.
Because there is always going to be something.
Life isn’t a waiting room until everything becomes perfect.
This is it.
The messy kitchen.
The teenagers asking for food.
The cat screaming at me because she thinks she hasn’t been fed in three days even though she ate approximately 14 minutes ago.
The random family conversations.
The good days.
The hard days.
The days where nobody wants to cooperate.
The days where everybody is laughing.
All of it.
So No, I Don’t Want a Perfect Family Life
I want a real one.
I want my kids to grow up knowing that we loved them fiercely.
I want them to remember that Mom was there. I have struggled with mom guilt many times, and realize I am doing my best!
I want them to remember laughing until their stomachs hurt.
I want them to remember adventures, even if those adventures weren’t always expensive or far away.
I want them to know that they didn’t need to be perfect to be loved.
And when they’re adults and have families and lives of their own, I hope they look back and think:
“Our family was a little crazy, but man, we had a good life.”
That’s what I’m after now.
Not perfection.
Not impressing anyone.
Not having the picture-perfect version of family life.
Just a life that, when I look back on it years from now, makes me smile.
Because at the end of the day, I don’t think we’re going to wish we had spent more time cleaning.
I think we’re going to wish we’d taken more pictures.
Stayed up a little later.
Said “I love you” a little more.
Put the phone down.
Gone outside.
Made the memories.
And actually noticed that we were making them.
That’s the kind of life I want.
A life we actually remember.