I have never opened up about my addictions, I swept it all under the rug like a dirty secret. I was definitely ashamed of all the mistakes I made when I was younger, and looking back I realize how amazingly strong I was to conquer all of my issues on my own.
Sometimes we get so caught up in surviving that we forget to stop and recognize just how far we’ve come. I used to think strength was about holding everything together, staying tough, or pretending I was fine when I wasn’t. But the truth is, real strength is surviving the kind of pain, chaos, and darkness that could have destroyed you — and still choosing to fight your way back.
For the longest time, I didn’t even see myself as strong. I just thought I was “getting by.” But recently, I looked back and realized — I’ve conquered addiction multiple times in my life. I have recently decided to share my past in these articles and open up to help others know there is a way out.
When I was a teenager, I was lost in everything you could imagine: ecstasy, cocaine, crack, meth, pills, smoking, alcohol — you name it. It wasn’t about trying to have fun anymore; it was about numbing the pain, filling the emptiness, and finding any kind of escape from the life I didn’t know how to face. I started smoking and drinking when I was 12, began using prescription meds, and smoking pot. From 12 on it was like an experiment to see what every drug felt like. I am proud of myself for never touching intravenous drugs or heroin but by 16 I had done everything else.
I remember doing about 10 hits of ecstasy a night for months at a time. The party never stopped, sleep disappeared, eating was next to impossible, and the feeling of being normal was gone. I lost myself and I am so lucky to be alive. 16 years old and partying like a raver made me crazy, it was so much fun at first, the feeling, the sex, the partying, it was all so much fun. When you do ecstasy for that long you begin to lose your mind and thoughts of paranoia, anger, resentment, and anxiety take over. The party was over when Chris and I finally snapped and it was bad. The police were involved and we had to leave. Our lives forever changed.
But here’s the thing I never gave myself credit for — I quit each one of those addictions on my own. No rehab. No fancy program. No support system cheering me on. Just me, facing withdrawal, cravings, and emotional wreckage head-on — and deciding I wanted more out of life than what those things were giving me. I am always going to be tempted to hop back off my wagon, I loved drugs. I loved how I felt, I loved how all my problems vanished, and it is forever a temptation. But I learned from being raised by an addict what happens when you let drugs win. And I will never become my mother.
When I was 17, something inside me shifted. I started trying to be a better person, even though I didn’t really know how. I was tired of living in a blur, tired of feeling lost and empty. Then I found out I was pregnant with my first child — and that moment changed everything. It was the wake-up call I needed. Suddenly, it wasn’t just about me anymore. I had a reason to fight harder than I ever had before.
My first born probably saved my life. Once he was in my life I wanted to be the best mother I could be. He was born when I was 18 and my life was dedicated to his. Then came his sister, and then my third child by 21.
I quit everything cold turkey. No looking back. No excuses. I wanted to give my baby the kind of life I never had — one filled with love, safety, and stability. That little spark of life growing inside me became my anchor, my motivation, and my reason to stay strong when everything in me wanted to give up.
That kind of strength doesn’t always come with a celebration or a pat on the back. Sometimes, it’s quiet. Sometimes, it’s lonely. And sometimes, it takes years to realize just how incredible it was that you made it through.
Now, when I look at who I am, the life I’ve built, the love I give my kids, the peace I’ve created from chaos, I can finally say it: I am proud of myself.
I still drink a bit, it doesn’t create an issue for me, I also began smoking pot and taking micro doses of mushrooms for sleep. I have kept myself under control and out of serious trouble for over 18 years. Yes I have had some slips but I have caught myself and nobody has had a clue that I was struggling. Nobody but Chris, and I am forever grateful for him being by my side during all my falls and climbs back up.
I am proud of the woman who refused to let her past define her.
I am proud of the girl who survived what should’ve broken her.
And I am proud of the strength that carried me through every dark night when I thought I couldn’t make it one more day.
If you’ve ever fought your way out of addiction, pain, or trauma, please hear this: you are stronger than you realize. You don’t need anyone else to validate that strength. You already proved it by surviving.
Because survival is strength.
And recovery, even when it’s messy and imperfect, is the ultimate act of self-love.
Finding Strength in Every Chapter
Through Funky Frugal Mommy, I’ve learned that resilience comes in many forms. It’s not just about saving money, building a home, or creating something beautiful from scraps, it’s about rebuilding yourself too. My life hasn’t been easy, but it’s been real. And if my story can remind even one person that they are capable of starting over, that their past doesn’t define their worth, then it’s worth sharing.
Every scar tells a story. Every setback can become a comeback. And every one of us has the power to rise stronger than before.
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