Divorce is not only the separation of two people that once formed a couple. Each of these people has parents and other relatives that had grown close to the "in-law". In addition, if the union involved children, in particular, young children, the divorce gets more complicated.
Explaining Divorce to Your Young Children
This is the hardest part of a divorce. How do you explain to your children that you and the other parent don't love each other anymore? This is often something you don't quite understand yourself, yet, you have to explain it to your little one(s).
Keep it Simple--Stick to the Facts
It doesn't matter if your child is two years old or 18 years old. Divorce is going to hurt them. Granted an older child is going to understand much more than a toddler, but you still must choose words carefully. There is no need to get into the minute details that led up to the divorce. Keep it simple, straightforward, and stick to the facts.
Divorce makes us feel like a failure. Did you know statistics regarding first marriages show that almost 45% end up in divorce court? This is almost half of the couples who had committed to "love until death do us part"--who couldn't. Therefore, feeling down on yourself and beating yourself up as a failure shouldn't be a part of this conversation.
Make Your Kids Believe the Two of You are a United Front
Although you are separating and dissolving the marriage, your children need to believe you both are still a team. Just because you cannot live together, doesn't mean you are not going to continue to communicate. Your mutual children are still a priority, and you need to stress this so your children understand this.
Ensure your children understand that this new chapter in the family's life is going to be a good one. Even though you and your spouse will be living in separate households, you are all still a family. Explain that all families are unique because theirs takes up two residences only means the love is spread out.
Make the New House Home
This step is most likely going to be the hardest. Once you have convinced your kids you both still love and want the best for them. Because children do not handle change well, perhaps you can make the outside look like the old yard. Homeowners spend an average of six hours a week in their yard when they spend time upgrading it. This is according to a 2016 Houzz Home and Garden report. Allowing your child to help with gardening can be therapeutic.
Let Your Child be Part of the Process
During a separation or divorce the family home might be sold and the profits divided between partners. If one parent keeps the home, your child needs to know they will now have a second home. This means a new bedroom to decorate, a new neighborhood to check out. Try and make this change in their life feel exciting. One way to do this is to let them decorate their new bedroom in their own style. Using a four-color process creates high-resolution, colors provides clarity of vibrant yet subtle tones. This will help to design an atmosphere in the new home that is cheerful and upbeat.
Make the New Home Feel Familiar
If the family home is being sold, you want to do whatever you can to make the new surroundings comfortable. You want to make the new house feel like home to your children. A unique process to achieve a virtual photographic quality is by using dye sublimation. Allow your child to help with decorating the new house so they get the feeling this is their new home.
The most important thing to do is to remind your child you both love them. Do whatever you can to make this new dual residency living arrangement as "normal" and comfortable as possible.