Ageing provides a rich background of experiences, wisdom and new roles that accompany grandparenthood. But, alas, while being a grandparent is a joyful thing, there are many complexities which accompany it. Many grandparents must juggle co-caring and an ageing body, and still want to play like they did when they first became parents. This is a lovely idea, but if you had kids late and your kids had kids late, it probably means you are a bit older and need to be taking care of yourself first. Here is how you can be both the storybook grandparent and take care of yourself first.
Via Pexels
Understanding the Shift in Identity
Becoming a grandparent is not merely about doting on the next generation. It often redefines one’s place in the family. You may shift from being a parent to being a mentor, a guide and sometimes a part-time carer. While this is joyful, it can be emotionally disorienting too, especially when paired with the subtle erosion of independence that can come with age. Recognising that you are not losing your relevance, but adapting it, is essential. Grandparenting is not about stepping back, but rather about stepping differently.
Boundaries Are Not Barriers
One of the most complex problems grandparents face today is the question of knowing when to extend the helping hand and when to withhold it. Raising children has changed significantly since you had children, and your kids might decide to do it "differently" than you did. This can lead to tensions if grandparents assume the role of authority. Rather than correcting or advising, listening and learning open up a bridge across generations. Set healthy boundaries around how often you offer childcare, and be honest about your physical and emotional limits. This isn’t selfishness, it’s sustainability.
Putting Yourself First
The enthusiasm for being involved in the lives of grandchildren is exciting and can be overwhelming. It is essential that you don't neglect your own well-being. Regular medical checkups, maintaining a circle of friends and keeping mentally active in hobbies and volunteer work each contribute to a balanced life. The grandparents who are the most fruitful are often those who also tend to their own needs and passions first.
If you are already receiving home care, do not put too much pressure on yourself as a grandparent. Keep your routine and environment the way you like them. When the grandkids come to visit, it is your time to spoil them, but you do not have to be there at all times or for everything to be a great grandparent. Being the best grandparent means taking care of yourself first.
Staying Safe
Safety goes beyond mobility aids and handrails. It’s about emotional and digital safety, too. Grandparents who engage with young children are often drawn into modern tech, video calls, messaging apps and social media. Staying digitally literate helps you keep in touch, but it’s important to understand privacy risks and avoid digital fatigue.
Emotional safety matters too. If you feel underappreciated or taken for granted, speak up kindly. You deserve respect, just as much as you offer it.
Lastly, physical safety. If your body and mind do not feel up to "looking after the grandkids", then say so. You do not need to hurt your back to be a good grandparent.
Learn to say no if you feel like taking a little break. Being a grandparent does not mean that you need to be a stand-in parent.
A Role Worth Embracing
Grandparenting should not be a job, a duty or a burden, but a privilege. Safe navigation of ageing and of the role of a grandparent requires keeping an open mind and heart, but your sense of self needs to stay intact. When approached correctly, grandparenting can be the most rewarding experience ever, yes, even more rewarding than when you had your own kids. This is where wisdom is gleaned down to the next generation, smiles and laughter are echoed through the years, and the old somehow merge into a lovely new phase of growing.
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