Generational trauma, whether you intend it or not, has a way of seeping into how you parent your own kids. For people who recognise what’s happening, they will naturally want to make a change so that their children are not saddled with the same burdens as they grow up. Wanting a healthy relationship and home environment is a great goal to have, and here are five ways all parents can break the cycle of impact brought about by generational trauma for their children.
The majority of the time, generational trauma is passed on without even realising what’s happening. You may notice that something doesn’t feel right, but you can never quite put your finger on what it could be and why those feelings exist in the first place. A parenting coach can help you connect with yourself on a deeper level and see your parenting in a new light. Ongoing parent coaching from experts like The People Practice Group will show you what you’ve been through and how you can move forward more positively, with a deeper understanding of how you developed and where positive changes can be put into action.
Nothing is ever fixed overnight. As a parent, you have a million responsibilities in every direction and it would be unrealistic to expect an instant solution to trauma-informed parenting. That is where having a goal and taking it slowly come in handy. If you create clear iterations to work towards, with the help of a parent coach, everything becomes easier to focus on. One month could be spent learning to listen to your children better, and the next task might be to recognise when you are repeating harmful behaviours such as over-criticising and being too controlling.
Talking to your kids about what is happening will make you feel closer than ever and nurture a strong attachment. You don’t have to give them all of the details, but setting new boundaries and bringing them in on your healing journey will be both empowering and enlightening. Just remember, it is always good to keep the conversation age appropriate.
It is often the case that if you suffer from this type of trauma, there will be one or two family members that are major triggers for you. This might look like shame spirals, loss of confidence, people pleasing, and a whole host of other self-deprecating behaviors that you are not yet in control of. Therefore, taking an active step back from those family members is a great way to get the space you need to parent in the best way possible for your kids. You will always feel hypervigilant and tense around these triggers, especially if your children are with you and you see them being subject to the same trauma as you.
Generational trauma is a very real thing that millions of people are trying to move forward from. It can severely impact your ability to parent healthily and build resilient, authentic relationships with your children, alongside affecting their well-being and sense of self too. Take a brave step and decide to make a change.